Saturday, August 29, 2015

Internet Doesn't Work With Feelings (Letter #10)

Shalom Josh,

OK. I will admit it. I have had problems starting relationships online. I know it is a not a regular thing for me to admit my dating woes. But I come to you. My friend. My confidant. My married man who has no outlet for the frustration he feels. 
The internet goes nowhere for me. A lot of pictures of women. A lot of stuff that looks good, if I ever met them. A lot of stuff that looks perfect. A lot of lying that I am willing to forego if I had a date with a real person. Be it age, weight, a picture of somebody else on their profile, it is all good.
It looks good. Most of the time, I don't even know their religious background or their hobbies. I don't read that much of the profile. I have learned to not be the shallow type to judge a potential match based on their degrees, family background, religious status. I see the pictures and that is enough for me. The pictures say everything.
I am also religiously forgiving on the internet. These women are wearing tight clothes, flaunting it. On the internet, it is fine. I am not fine with it in a relationship, but it works on the internet. There is a lot of forgiveness for sexiness on the internet, even if they are ultra-orthodox. It is a different dress code. 
Why am I not fine with the type and revealing clothes in a relationship? Because people will think I am with an attractive woman, and that would kill my reputation.

The start of the interest is there. She has a picture with a revealing outfit. But it doesn't go further than that. I give it a chance. The women never respond when I ask for more than the profile information. It is like sending a script out to a Hollywood producer. I see it on TV before they respond to the mail. 'Just reported. A loser 38 year old is still trying to pick up women on the internet. Another man who does not have the ability to hit on a women in person...sitting in his boxers on the dating sites.'
I ask for more information and the stalker antennas go up. I am not asking address. I am not on Tinder. On Tinder, they are willing to meet a total stranger, as long as they know nothing about him. 
They are afraid to share more information than their height and body-type. Those are crazy person questions. And normal guys don't ask those. What normal guy needs more information than that? Normal guys might want to also know skin complexion. But that is it. What an idiot I used to be. I am writing her about religious beliefs. I learned my lesson. Do not waste time with information. Any man that needs more information must be suspect.
I could write, 'When you coming over?' I can write, 'You are hot,' if that is not proper language in synagogue. I usually write, 'How was your day?' That is too personal. That scares them. I am an idiot man. Women only like that question when they are married to you. Otherwise, it is an extreme turn off. They are scared about this whole meeting thing. The meeting thing can potentially turn into a relationship. And unless we get married, there is not enough time for her to tell me how her day went. 
You are right now hearing about 'her day.' I know. You complain about it all the time.
If I am going to develop a relationship from a dating site, I have to stick to my commitment to not know about the woman.

Erev Tov