Monday, July 20, 2015

Even if Old People Can Meet, They Judge Me (Letter #8)

Shalom Josh,

I don't meet girls randomly anymore. I had my chances for romance when I was in elementary school. Now, there are matchmakers, random people who work jobs that are not ready for me to hit on them, and then there is the internet. Community events and parties don't work for me. Women in the community talk. I have been out with a few of them. They all know about me already. No chance. Word is out and I am flawed.
It is about the mystery. And I offer very little of that. The most mysterious thing about me is that I am the guy who doesn't show up to the parties. Women are intrigued by my not being present.
I should have been more tactful about choosing which ones to go out with. Just going out because the shadchan said I had to killed my chances with any of the other women. And this was before Facebook. So I chose those blind-dates I would have been able to have nixed now. And two of those first three were women I had already met. I suck with names. With Facebook, I would have known that she was the one who thought my profession was unimportant and that I was not successful.
Now, with Facebook, the people setting me up cannot lie anymore. I know that is the woman I am not attracted to. And no matter how much they tell me I am, that 'I will only know if I give her a chance,' I know. I find it wrong that I am pushed to go out on dates with women I am not attracted to.
Am I that important that I have to give a woman a chance to prove herself to me? That is a harsh prospect for anybody. 'Prove to me that you are good looking in my eyes. Get attractive and show me your personality. Get naked with your thoughts. Shaindel insisted that I allow you that opportunity. She told me that attraction comes with time. I do not want to hurt the process, so I am not going to look at you.'

The other main way I meet is online dating. When I go on those dates, I can use the profile for conversation starters. The go to starter is, 'So, you are looking for a kind, honest and handsome man.' After the last date I went on, where the girl complained that I had opinions, I like this asking concept. The profile question technique might even be better than the open-ended one-word question technique. 
My goal has changed to just not look bad. Goal is to get in and out, without being noticed. 
I like the profile conversation starter. I should use that for every date. That is the one fact I know about all women; they are looking for somebody who is kind, honest and handsome. I have yet to have seen a profile that has not had that. They sometimes add 'tall,' so that people like myself do not message them. Making it clear that they don't like driving in hatchbacks. 
I feel it is a safe bet to ask them if it is important for a man to be honest.
That keen understanding of woman's profile did save me. I didn't know where my last date was from and I naturally went for the profile information. I have seen enough of them to be able to finesse where to go. I didn't even know if it was the right woman. But I was able to ask her, 'Why do you want a kind man?' 
It just hit me. She used the profile tactic against me. What gives? I even do research, study the profiles of many ladies before a date, and even that??? Studiousness works to my disfavor. It got back to me that she told everybody I was odd and not a giving person. They have to be used together- 'Why are you looking for a kind, honest and handsome man.' Either that, or the open-ended technique.

What gives these women the right to start spreading all this stuff about me, when I go out on one date with them? I was all positive about this dating thing, and then I think about the date I went on. I was even thinking about going for the multiple blind-dates. You saw, a paragraph ago- I was into it.
I am not talking anymore on first dates. I am just sitting there silently. Even if I do that Josh, there is a chance that she will tell everybody that I don't talk. That I am rude, and worst of all, I don't have opinions. 
If I am on mute, then I am mysterious. I am the guy who doesn't talk. I am an enigma of thought.

Questions, such as the 'looking for...' and the open-ended are going to be reserved for women on can trust. Only to be pulled out on the second date. I would remain silent all the time, but I cannot pull that for very long. Otherwise, I would keep silent all the time, and I would have a wife talking to me. But I do talk back, so I have to work with what I have and keep it limited.
Dispersal of material will help me look interested and knowledgeable. For the good ladies, who deserve it, it will allow for more dates as well. Material will run out quickly. However, if it is the right one, and I do get married to her, we are not going to want to talk anyways.  
At that point, we will try to have kids and a lot of other tasks, to keep our minds off the fact that I have no idea where she is from.

Layla Tov Achi,
David

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